Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
