3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
