I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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