I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
