dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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