I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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