I swear she didn't look like that last week.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
