My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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