tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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