I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
