im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
