Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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