i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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