I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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