i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
