Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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