She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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