Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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