I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
