do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
