Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
