yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
actually, I'm a sock model
wat bout pragnant strippers??
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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