I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize