Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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