Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize