he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
