Please, let me fuck your mom
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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