Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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