win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Oh god it's open bar.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
