I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
