His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
