You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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