Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
