I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize