I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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