I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
