I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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