So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
