come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
