on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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