No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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