There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
