Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Did I show you my penis last night?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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