If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
