1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
