Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
