she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
this beer tastes like vomit already
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
