I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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