The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
