first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
