he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
