New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
