I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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