its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
