I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
