New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
my liver is dry heaving
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
