Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
