I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
