Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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