T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
