sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
