her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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