i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
