so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
