My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)