Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
