We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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