porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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