I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
