How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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