haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
