DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
