WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
