so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i barfeds in our rink
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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