You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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