I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
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