were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I would ride that face into the sunset
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
