you have to choose: penises or morals?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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