porn star boner night. come get it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
