Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
