She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
