Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
