yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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