Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
