so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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