Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize